Tonight someone I am very close with, confided a few details about their relationship & asked me my thoughts on it. I can say that this person has known me my whole life so with that in mind we know eachother fairly well.
After they divulged this information I made it abundantly clear (my thoughts) that I would weigh in but at the end of the day I respect them both, I do not judge, I do not know the whole story as I am not in the relationship and really, when it comes down to it it is none of my business and their feelings are what matter most…it is essentially between them.
I am more likely to mediate and think of peaceful resolutions rather than deliberately make things worse. But you have to be very careful in these situations I have found. Tread delicately. I haven’t meant to but have at times inadvertently said something which has made it worse. It has happened. But far less times than those where I have made it better.
After discussing this stuff with them I felt strange. To be one of the few people in the world to have a glimpse of the inner workings of someone else’s relationship…of their unique ‘he said’ ‘she said’ ‘he did this’ ‘ she did this’ This happens from time to time….I feel guilt and at the same time I feel honoured. But my word is my word. Even if I haven’t given my word it goes without saying that the depth of that conversation is not to ever leave my lips…or fingertips in this case.
Tonight’s discussion had me thinking about ‘boundaries’ ‘compromise’ ‘saying yes’ ‘saying no’
More often than not and from experience when you are the person who often says ‘yes’ in a relationship….when you go to say ‘no’ it throws people. They are so used to you saying ‘yes’ that as soon as you say ‘no’ you are cast in a negative light. Or the other person wants it their own way. And sometimes a disagreement ensues. And it is annoying that there is an expectation that you will say yes each and every time. I know this post is vague but for those who have trouble saying ‘no’ when you need to – be strong! Yes it is annoying when you are plagued and put on trial to justify it. Do not feel bad. It is indescribably tormentingly hard at times to say ‘no’ when warranted but every now and then you are respected more for being upfront & honest.
I also feel there is a grey area between saying yes/no in social circumstances.
You have been invited to a function with your partner. There is a predetermined u spoken expectation that you and your partner will go to this function as it is a huge deal, like a wedding/milestone birthday/etc Your partner would really like to go to this function. You love your partner. This function isn’t really your thing and you don’t like the people going, they get on your nerves, you don’t enjoy their dramatics, you’d much rather stay at home. What do you do?